Driving

Coming back from the cabin this weekend I got to about Albany and thought it would be great time to take a nap.  Problem was, I was driving.  I am not a good driver, but I even know that isn't a good choice to make. :)    We got home, unpacked and threw all our laundry in..  But there is a suitcase I haven't been able to unpack yet...its the case of the I'm Not's.  
The I'm Not's are a heavy case that travels with me everywhere  I go lately.  In it is the I'm not doing enough at my job, the I'm Not doing well enough in college (both classes), the I'm Not being a good enough mother, wife and friend to everyone.  I'm Not working out enough and taking care of myself.  I'm Not smart enough to pass this math test.  I'm Not remembering to do things like bring my daughter to a birthday party.  There are more tucked away in the corners like socks..
I am sure we have all had days like this but I can't seem to shake mine.  I want to unpack it and throw all those "Im Nots" in the wash and get them clean and into I Am's...but I can't seem to find the zipper.
I started thinking about why I am feeling like this...I think it is because I have been "driving" in my life too much.  I am trying to be everything to everyone which is ending up being just a little bit to some of them.  And it isn't working for me.
I think I need to pull over and let someone else drive for awhile and unpack....

Slow Down

Even though I am hours away from the cabin...I know the key is opening it and life is entering the dreary place now. Almost there....

This morning was one of "those" mornings. I got up early and was ready to be headed out the door by seven. Didn't happen. My daughter wasn't feeling well, so spent some time with her. Checked my watch...I'm going to be late. Then had to let the dog out...checked my watch again. Ugh. Then didn't get gas last night and had to get it this morning. Double ugh!!! At gas station, realized that I forgot a much needed part of my teaching lesson today. Had to go back home. By this time, I am not in a good mood and am going to be late to my practicum. So I race out of the house and drive a bit to fast. I get to town and think I am taking a short cut....Nope! Its the drop off lane at the high school. Slowed me way down.

And then I noticed it again. The lake shell necklace Mary and her Papa made for me. It hangs from my rear view window to remind me to slow down and see the small things.

I needed to slow down. All morning I was so concerned about what MY day was going to be like. I didn't give Mary enough comfort because I was checking my watch. I didn't laugh at the fact I didn't get gas last night, was because I had a car full of kids having so much fun together it was making me laugh with them. I didn't appreciate that I had I not gotten up so early, I wouldn't have made it at all!

Life at the lake does move much slower. Facebook is actually your face in a book. Twitter is actually listening to the birds. MySpace is my space.

I think about the amount of time Mary searched for all those shells in our lake. I remember watching her....she would get so excited when she found just one. I need to do that everyday. I need to appreciate each shell. But the only way I am going to find them, is by slowing down.

I want a wrench

Alas, here I sit watching my kids and there friends blow bubbies in our backyard. Only seeing fences, grass, houses and them. What is missing? Yep. The Lake. I didn't get a chance to run away to it this week over spring break..but that's okay. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, right?

I wanted to go but I don't have any clue as to how to turn on the electricity or water so I have to wait for someone to do it. I wanted to learn last summer, but lost interest after it was deemed much to complicated for this brain. (I get distracted by shiny things easily...the lake was pretty shiny that day) So here I wait for some "knight with a wrench" to get it ready.

So what's my point in all this? Yes, you know there is always going to be some deep thought (but don't call me Jack Handy!) My point is this. If you want something, are you waiting for someone else to do it for you or maybe just to get you started? Sometimes I think our society has looked sourly upon people that take incentive and are driven in getting something they want. Obviously there are people that do it by hurting others and I am not okay with that. But how about the little things? You want to get in shape...its your job to get moving. You want better grades in school...its your job to get studying. You want better friendships....its your job call them up and get "coffeeing". We have to stop waiting for someone else to come "open us up and get us ready".

So this summer, I vow to learn how to open up the cabin so I can bring the kids up there by myself if I needed to. I don't want to be a person who waits for "her knight with a wrench". I want my own wrench.

ICE OUT

Just recently my two of my favorite words were mentioned....Ice Out. This means that the ice is out at "my" lake. Yes, its mine but I will share. Once the ice is out, its time to start thinking summer and heading up to the lake. Now, for those that have been there, I know I am spoiled in what it means to be at the cabin. I won't deny it, I love it there. I am actually quiet and still (most of the time) while I am there. Getting up with the birds, having my coffee on the deck listening to the water crash on the beach. Perfection. Then after a long day of playing, its off to have a glass of wine with my mom on the pontoon while my dad cruises us around the lake. Perfection again. Add a few friends and more family...well you get my drift.

While running today, I started thinking about how people need an Ice Out day too. Sometimes our hearts get kinda cold to the world and to the people around us. We get stuck in a freeze of the way life is going and we can't seem to break free from it. It can be cold, hard and bleak.

Just think back to that first day we had of sunshine. Everyone was outside enjoying the day, their neighbors and just enjoying the feel of the warm sunshine. Our hearts need that too.

Where do we get that sunshine though? Hold on....ready for it! You have to give it...to get it. I remember being told that you should always leave something better than how you found it. It goes for people too. Give warmth and sunshine to others and I promise as the ice melts you will have that sunshine reflected back to you.

Ah...reflections...thats for another time. But I digress....

As I sit here pondering a quick trip up north next week during spring break, I get excited to put on my "cabin" jeans and say hello to the lake. How I have missed her.

I have to ask, the ice is out at the lake, but is it out of me? How about you?